By Sarah Green, LPC – School Counselor
From a very young age, we have the opportunity to guide our children in how they engage with technology—teaching them to use it thoughtfully, with critical thinking and through a spiritual lens.
Here are three simple starting points:
1. Model healthy habits
Children are watching what we do far more than they listen to what we say.
2. Create space for novelty and play
Unstructured, real-world experiences are essential for healthy development.
3. Make technology commitments as a family
Approach tech use as a shared responsibility, not just a set of rules for children.
Let’s take a closer look.
If we’re honest, many of us as adults struggle with our own technology habits. I recently enabled a feature on my phone that alerts me when I’m holding it too close to my face. It surprises me every time—it reveals how easily I drift into unconscious patterns. Many devices now offer tools like screen-time limits and usage reports, reminding us how much external support we need to maintain balance.
Now consider a child—whose critical thinking, self-discipline, and ability to delay gratification are still developing—being given access to a device designed for endless engagement. The result can often be addictive patterns, emotional dysregulation, comparison, and declining mental health.
This is an invitation to honestly evaluate our own habits and make changes—not just for ourselves, but for the children who are learning from us.
Equally important is something beautifully simple: play.
Unstructured, imaginative play is one of the most essential parts of childhood. Children need real-world experiences—interacting face-to-face, exploring, creating, and even taking appropriate risks. Technology itself is not inherently harmful; it is neutral and can be a useful tool. But it should never replace the richness of lived experience.
In recent years, we’ve become more protective of children’s physical safety, yet often less protective of their mental and emotional well-being. Experiences like climbing at the playground, testing bravery, or even scraping a knee while riding a bike are opportunities for growth. Healthy risk-taking builds resilience.
Even getting into trouble has value—it teaches children how to handle uncomfortable feelings and take responsibility for their actions. These are the spaces where grace, resilience, humility and joy grow. There is a deep joy that comes from a child living authentically as themselves.
A line from The Sandlot captures this well. A mother encourages her son:
“Go make friends, have fun… get into trouble.”
Sometimes, that’s exactly what growing up—and growing strong—requires.
Building a Family Approach
There are many creative ways families can approach technology together, but it begins with something simple and powerful: prayer.
Come together in humble prayer as a family. Ask God to reveal areas that need refinement, and invite the Holy Spirit to break any strongholds. God is present in our day-to-day struggles and desires to help us build our families in His love and according to His will.
Some practical ideas include:
Waiting until high school to introduce smartphones
Delaying social media until at least age 16, with guidance and education on proper use
Supporting phone-free school environments (a growing and beneficial trend)
Encouraging more independent, unsupervised play
Rooting your family in a church community that offers accountability and shared values
Look to Jesus, the ultimate healer and counselor. If this feels overwhelming, seek support and surrender it to Him. Trust in His grace and unfailing love.
There is hope—many families are moving toward a more balanced and healthy relationship with technology.
For further insight, consider reading The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt. And remember, St. Raphael counselors and your school counseling team are here to support you.
